So the other day I ate maccoroni and cheese. It was on the fly, the pot of the cheezy pasta was just sitting there not being eatin, and I figured what the heck. The sad part about this is not that I feel morally depraved, but that the mac-n-cheese wasn’t even that good, and I kept eating it. You would think that after staring at the mac-n-cheese, craving it, then eating it, I might feel less vegan, but at least I would be satisfied. No. I made the giant mistake and tore my moral fiber for powdered cheese and pasta, blech. Nonetheless, I still consinder myself a vegan.

I guess to put it in context, I was really stressed. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and underwent a double mastectomy 3 weeks ago. All I’ve been doing is walking my 2 dogs, and feeding my 5 cats, cleaning my house, and getting yelled at to do more. I was fed-up with responsibilities, so I wanted to fill up with MAC-N-CHEESE. I’ve been vegan since I was 18, so 2 years now, and have never consciously eaten a non-vegan meal since I altered my diet, so I’d say I’m doing pretty good.

I have to admit that under the current stresses that I’m under I have not been a “good vegan”.

exhibit A: Someone sends chocolate covered strawberries for my mom because she just came out of the hospital. There are no ingredients for the chocolate. I eat the chocolate anyway for their high level of endorphins. (who hooo chocolate induced happiness!!)

exhibit B: The Mac-n-Cheese incident

exhibit C: The only cereal in the house is Honey Bunches of Oats (which my sister eats) which contains a small amount of whey. My rationale is the following: a small amount of whey only hurts the cow a small amount…At this point I have become like the people who I cannot stand. Time for a change.

Still, in all of these cases, except for exhibit A, I went for the low quality crap that didn’t even taste good. I mean I probably should’ve at least gone to Boston Market and eaten their gooey mac-n-cheese, or eaten cereal with cow’s milk instead of eating honey bunches of oats. But also, I think that the fact that I made the my non-vegan choices on the fly says something about me. I didn’t WANT to eat dairy, I just wanted food in general, and that happend to be the only food around. It doesn’t make what I did right, but It makes it a little better than going out to Dairy Queen and ordering a milk shake. C’mon, don’t all vegans go through this…even just a little, especially when a family member or someone close has a serious medical issue.

I still haven’t gotten over the stresses of my mom having cancer, but once I started using the same excuses as vegetarians (for example: If you only eat a little milk, then it doesn’t hurt the cow as much), I knew I needed to stop sneaking dairy into my belly.

Today I walked by a bowl of cheez doodles. I didn’t eat one. You should be proud